Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
