South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
