I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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