My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
