I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
