You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
