he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
