Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Less talking, more tequila
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
