you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
