I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize