Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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