Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
