my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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