when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
