My room smells like vodka and shame
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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