6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
