haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
