Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
