Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
