God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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