Can i not drive my cunt home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
