my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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