I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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