It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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