How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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