This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
