Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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