dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
