Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
