The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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