Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
