Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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