went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would fuck him just for his dog
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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