Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize