I will die if light touches me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Text me some of your sweat
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