we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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