something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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