People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
God, I missed his penis.
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