then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
