please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
