pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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