he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
