i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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