I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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