i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.