with your own penis?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
