That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.