I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
