The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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