Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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