hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
