Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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