Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How external is "for external use only"?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
