My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
