theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
