Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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