you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
