Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
