i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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