If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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