your room smells of hookers.
And success
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
