I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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