our cab driver is having phone sex.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
