That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
