the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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