i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
